DON'T TASE ME JEEBUS!

After spending 9,000 years in a dormant state, Americans are finally waking up to the injustices that their own government...

Hold on a sec.

After spending 9,000 years in a dormant state, the Chaiten Volcano in southern Chile finally erupted last week with a long overdue release of lava and ash plumes reaching across South America.

Even with ash clouds 17 kilometres high merging with lightning-infested thunderstorms, legions of normally awe struck bystanders and fleeing villagers have joined together to declare "FAKE!"

If a show like this doesn't fill seats - and pants - what does that say about today's reality goer?

"It's just hard luck this hellish chasm opened against Iron Man" declared an unnamed reality insider. "As well, the fallout from Grand Theft Auto IV is tough to navigate. Never mind the 9,000 years thing. People just lose interest."

Tormenta eléctrica en erupción del volcán Chaitén

GREEN ACRES

The horn of plenty blows sweet and low from inside the compound of Big Food.

Proving yet again that any global catastrophe can alchemy into corporate whopportunity (TM) , mega food & farming conglomerates are reaping bountiful profits thanks to the totally-unforeseen-and-not-at-all-manufactured food shortage that threatens to downsize 100 million carbon units into carbon particles by the end of this year.

After learning Mother Earth Hubbard spends 80% of her income on food, few corporations have the barleycorns to issue memo entitled "What up bitch? Where's the other 20%?" You know the old bone fetcher would only blow it at bingo.

Big Food saddles up to Big Oil and awaits a perfect storm of corporate wet dreamery. Grinding corn to fill the oil void sends prices for both punching through what's left of the ozone layer.

And they say there's no such thing as a sure thing.

MULTINATIONALS MAKE BILLIONS OUT OF GROWING FOOD CRISIS