LET THE BEAVER SOAR

As foreseen by Canadian economist Pamela Anderson in the seminal film "Barb Wire", the Canadian Dollar is fast dominating the flaccid US greenback, or "Freedom Peso".

As of this posting the Canuck buck has jumped to $1.07 US, prompting concerned hosers to call for a great wall to be constructed along the 49th parallel. The massive undertaking could provide jobs for American economic refugees looking north for employment. Canada's population, a mere 10% of the United States, cannot possibly support a domestic servant ratio of 10-1. Canadians also have fewer pools to clean and almost no oranges to pick, although US labour exporters are upbeat that global warming could soon increase those numbers.

Currency experts warn the rally could be short lived if Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper carries out his plans to invade Yemen, borrow five trillion dollars from China and outlaw the off switch on all electronics.