tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-312093512024-03-06T00:18:48.235-08:00WARREN FLEECEWarren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.comBlogger76125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-14849219953234699502009-09-12T14:36:00.001-07:002009-09-12T17:14:53.686-07:00GOD CREATES MORON<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2oVccnufn7w3cuaDoU6D_zZDPklWJ-lbdvUGuTNoYvvREJFcQyPZ6iLjeZbE100xK1ollMZ0idD917Esv3uW7CuMqM_33CL4BN8fw5ilZVwY4QVZb8hXngcqQ0Gdt2fnIvAWP/s1600-h/God+Creates+Moron.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 505px; height: 263px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2oVccnufn7w3cuaDoU6D_zZDPklWJ-lbdvUGuTNoYvvREJFcQyPZ6iLjeZbE100xK1ollMZ0idD917Esv3uW7CuMqM_33CL4BN8fw5ilZVwY4QVZb8hXngcqQ0Gdt2fnIvAWP/s400/God+Creates+Moron.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5380698388725611746" border="0" /></a><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102); font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" ><span>REJECTED REPUBLICAN SPIN AFTER JOE WILSON (R-SC) SHOUTED “YOU LIE” AT PRESIDENT OBAMA DURING RECENT JOINT SESSION OF CONGRESS:</span></span><br /><br />-Overwhelmed by his respect for the President, Joe actually attempted to sing “You Light Up My Life” but realized very early into the chorus that this was neither the time nor the place. You’ve got give this fine statesman credit for sparing the nation any rendition of what can only be described as a horrible song.<br /><br />-Joe was trying to get down with a brother and yelled “Ya-ight!”. That’s sort of a street-slang approval thing to say among the colored, isn’t it? Anyways, once again the minority-hating liberal media gets it wrong.<br /><br />-It’s a well known fact that Joe suffers from Tourette Syndrome. I suppose now the Democrats will want to force all victims of this condition to face a legislative death panel in order to protect the delicate ears of goat-marrying communists, etc.<br /><br />-For the love of God this was only days before the anniversary of 9/11!Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-43759882538802176402008-10-10T00:18:00.000-07:002008-10-10T00:20:38.320-07:00TRICK OR TREAT<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQHD3dduVfmeoZKhnfyY18W4E3O88PICkgOaab7RmL9iXhKt7n-GHTvPd08CYeMG-ILku4D9f4ZRdLWTwdgtnSC9cnkXjG-BElqwLHot_2fiLEb1wppxglQ56oyWZiWWwyW4Y5/s1600-h/Halloween+Dow.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQHD3dduVfmeoZKhnfyY18W4E3O88PICkgOaab7RmL9iXhKt7n-GHTvPd08CYeMG-ILku4D9f4ZRdLWTwdgtnSC9cnkXjG-BElqwLHot_2fiLEb1wppxglQ56oyWZiWWwyW4Y5/s400/Halloween+Dow.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5255421512380343778" border="0" /></a>Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-4966255678515716102008-10-03T22:18:00.000-07:002008-10-03T22:32:56.352-07:00ANSWER: MORE WINKY WINKY!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-bSNeMWdTMdreDfHAji2FVgY6d81q1pC6hQXJQzn2kb7QcQpbtmrMQgutXNyEcvtA6nLCyEjy1UvqFJGZlY-Hf25aWAmeTFe6NOypk3JYcLtbCYGYQ_Mq_xKi3P5aoUoAdjZ6/s1600-h/More+Winky.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-bSNeMWdTMdreDfHAji2FVgY6d81q1pC6hQXJQzn2kb7QcQpbtmrMQgutXNyEcvtA6nLCyEjy1UvqFJGZlY-Hf25aWAmeTFe6NOypk3JYcLtbCYGYQ_Mq_xKi3P5aoUoAdjZ6/s400/More+Winky.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5253164045701786098" border="0" /></a>Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-73281310371922096912008-10-01T08:44:00.001-07:002008-10-01T16:41:35.791-07:00THE MILK OF HUMAN WEIRDNESS<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJUkADWz7gYQ2gcmM9c789tihNq1zvsbdHCkn48jD0WsWaBngQcb1AWRfgckZ-6C3X4zaCvcuRsMzje_GFLF_VP5DrtIl_uxm-Q3rtpW2Sqy4Fh20VSJU5EeTmlbEAunxFzxuO/s1600-h/Modern+Lactater.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJUkADWz7gYQ2gcmM9c789tihNq1zvsbdHCkn48jD0WsWaBngQcb1AWRfgckZ-6C3X4zaCvcuRsMzje_GFLF_VP5DrtIl_uxm-Q3rtpW2Sqy4Fh20VSJU5EeTmlbEAunxFzxuO/s400/Modern+Lactater.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5252211963436224146" border="0" /></a>This is embarrassing. For five months now I've been inadvertently sending blog updates to the "tips and tricks" forum of a magazine targeting new mothers.<br /><br />So much for posting via email.<br /><br />I guess the internets are truly a series of tubes, as the ones leading back to my compound are inexplicably clogged with a frothy white marinade. Running a T connection to my espresso machine has alleviated the impediment to a degree, although experiencing connection speeds below 56k after 37 shots of Macchiato is not for the faint of heart.<br /><br />This would have continued ad infinitum if not for an email from the publishers notifying me that I'd won the grand prize in their "most prolific poster" competition.<br /><br />Behold the puzzled owner of a USB-ready double breast pump. While not expecting any time soon, it does the job drying large cuts of venison after the smoke house burned down.<br /><br />We now return to regular posting, already in progress.Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-47277447372175745082008-05-09T21:51:00.000-07:002008-12-12T19:32:10.143-08:00DON'T TASE ME JEEBUS!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE0coYnLAjCuNS-4rTo22bgwtLBouZFzDfEXh2wmUzX60Qt1O1exKK7xP5M_UMwp8KsbFAzq1hq5vpk6FT_xz6IJqKXeapoTGvhR19-zt1DNcZLOY7H_lymbhrxbareha11DkZ/s1600-h/End+of+the+World.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 331px; height: 482px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE0coYnLAjCuNS-4rTo22bgwtLBouZFzDfEXh2wmUzX60Qt1O1exKK7xP5M_UMwp8KsbFAzq1hq5vpk6FT_xz6IJqKXeapoTGvhR19-zt1DNcZLOY7H_lymbhrxbareha11DkZ/s400/End+of+the+World.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5198607748166224946" border="0" /></a>After spending 9,000 years in a dormant state, Americans are finally waking up to the injustices that their own government...<br /><br />Hold on a sec.<br /><br />After spending 9,000 years in a dormant state, the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Chaiten</span> Volcano in southern Chile finally erupted last week with a long overdue release of lava and ash plumes reaching across South America.<br /><br />Even with ash clouds 17 kilometres high merging with lightning-infested thunderstorms, legions of normally awe struck bystanders and fleeing villagers have joined together to declare "FAKE!"<br /><br />If a show like this doesn't fill seats - and pants - what does that say about today's reality goer?<br /><br />"It's just hard luck this hellish chasm opened against <span style="font-style: italic;">Iron Man</span>" declared an unnamed reality insider. "As well, the fallout from <span style="font-style: italic;">Grand Theft Auto IV</span> is tough to navigate. Never mind the 9,000 years thing. People just lose interest."<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://megagalerias.terra.cl/galerias/index.cfm?id_galeria=30734"><span class="txt_1_19"><b><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Tormenta</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">eléctrica</span> en <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">erupción</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">del</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">volcán</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Chaitén</span></b></span></a></span>Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-29152417242564061132008-05-04T22:57:00.000-07:002008-12-12T19:32:10.572-08:00GREEN ACRES<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxRl1YcL5w55hUOW2o5G5jQqfRRCCnaRhxQePDw7s1kZf_IKh69FVJVdZuOoZWEz_cFRBADkjFLD4qe38fRfGBu5Q5RPIsiyG6DeAEvvOk9wVsx_YDQ8VHgsv6lKcVJWkexi3b/s1600-h/Raking+It+In.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5196792929098551586" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; WIDTH: 366px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 181px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxRl1YcL5w55hUOW2o5G5jQqfRRCCnaRhxQePDw7s1kZf_IKh69FVJVdZuOoZWEz_cFRBADkjFLD4qe38fRfGBu5Q5RPIsiyG6DeAEvvOk9wVsx_YDQ8VHgsv6lKcVJWkexi3b/s400/Raking+It+In.jpg" border="0" /></a>The horn of plenty blows sweet and low from inside the compound of Big Food.<br /><br />Proving yet again that any global catastrophe can alchemy into <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">corporate whopportunit</span>y <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold;font-size:78%;" >(TM)</span> , mega food & farming conglomerates are reaping bountiful profits thanks to the <span style="font-size:78%;">totally-unforeseen-and-not-at-all-manufactured</span> food shortage that threatens to downsize 100 million carbon units into carbon particles by the end of this year.<br /><br />After learning Mother <strike>Earth</strike> Hubbard spends 80% of her income on food, few corporations have the barleycorns to issue memo entitled "What up bitch? Where's the other 20%?" You know the old bone fetcher would only blow it at bingo.<br /><br />Big Food saddles up to Big Oil and awaits a perfect storm of corporate wet dreamery. Grinding corn to fill the oil void sends prices for both punching through what's left of the ozone layer.<br /><br />And they say there's no such thing as a sure thing.<br /><br /><a style="COLOR: rgb(204,255,255)" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/environment/green-living/multinationals-make-billions-in-profit-out-of-growing-global-food-crisis-820855.html"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; COLOR: rgb(255,204,102)font-size:85%;" >MULTINATIONALS MAKE BILLIONS OUT OF GROWING FOOD CRISIS</span></a>Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-64811351480540496252008-04-29T09:47:00.000-07:002008-12-12T19:32:10.705-08:00NOTABLE QUOTES FROM THE APE ANGLERS OF BORNEO<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwDlpM4GSFSG4srUvp7jmQ1UK-MOxS7oP95qT7deBqD9L_k33Tn1s1aGzSCmroPNC7Hnr1sCJbWzObRF_AgrYWa7zPI727zGOIR1GEIQWxw5v29uI81ii9Q6rBdGrskrahePOX/s1600-h/Ape+Spearfish+final.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 441px; height: 316px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwDlpM4GSFSG4srUvp7jmQ1UK-MOxS7oP95qT7deBqD9L_k33Tn1s1aGzSCmroPNC7Hnr1sCJbWzObRF_AgrYWa7zPI727zGOIR1GEIQWxw5v29uI81ii9Q6rBdGrskrahePOX/s400/Ape+Spearfish+final.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5194717725455175874" border="0" /></a>"Many ape fish not know it not fish they after."<br /><br />"Give ape fish, ape eat. Teach ape fish, ape freak out human."<br /><br />"Bad day fish better bad day circus."<br /><br />"Ape and fish same. Both get trouble when open mouth."<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><a href="http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/environment/article3828123.ece"><span style="font-size:85%;">SWIMMING ORANGUTANS' SPEARFISHING EXPLOITS AMAZE WILDLIFE EXPERTS</span></a><br /></span>Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-28800918290289270512008-04-20T21:47:00.000-07:002008-12-12T19:32:11.607-08:00MOMMY MAKEOVERS<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZjnNu2SQ8D5K2ryvGxbUSHBnIFZ5RnBioZJgV3aBO_ntePnJGVxUxpUN1vk2lonZDiuLYhpn47e9W0gHe2p5HoKDLvMvYidGYi54PH2mv1cfxjBjwSSSBvIqZ4DBATlxaCysr/s1600-h/My+Beautiful+Mommy.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5191555950902553810" style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 472px; height: 363px;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZjnNu2SQ8D5K2ryvGxbUSHBnIFZ5RnBioZJgV3aBO_ntePnJGVxUxpUN1vk2lonZDiuLYhpn47e9W0gHe2p5HoKDLvMvYidGYi54PH2mv1cfxjBjwSSSBvIqZ4DBATlxaCysr/s400/My+Beautiful+Mommy.jpg" border="0" /></a>Just in time for Mother's Day, a Florida plastic surgeon has published "<a href="http://www.bigtentbooks.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=188&HS=1">My Beautiful Mommy</a>", a self-help book for kids confused about Mom's new bazoongas.<br /><br />With hundreds of thousands of women a year going under the knife, it's only fitting that their children (most of whom are the reasons behind the need for major nipping and tucking) receive some attention from the industry. After all, it's only a matter of time before the little dickens wake up and smell the imperfections themselves.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">We here a Fleece Publishing applaud the effort and have immediately launched a series of publications to cash in... er... further this brave endeavor.</span><br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 102);">Of course, not all plastic surgeries are as successful as we are led to believe. What do the kids think when Mom comes home looking like a carp pressed under glass with a chest full of doorknobs?<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5CGtlzWpXjxJjPZkKwVf7k6i9G-EMIqM4qUrqvUT9fYkWDTBWVm9QIFG7r_Q_LAiHeOgAi4gSzz7PtBPiOjpxKhLBF9eSIN1ogzXyohCEvN3ec2_lQ2Otky89MEXZM5FKdjK6/s1600-h/Mommy+Suing+final.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5191556126996212962" style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5CGtlzWpXjxJjPZkKwVf7k6i9G-EMIqM4qUrqvUT9fYkWDTBWVm9QIFG7r_Q_LAiHeOgAi4gSzz7PtBPiOjpxKhLBF9eSIN1ogzXyohCEvN3ec2_lQ2Otky89MEXZM5FKdjK6/s400/Mommy+Suing+final.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 102);">Other grown ups in our children's lives may have their appearances altered by the wonders of modern medicine. How confused might they be when the gym teacher (who also teaches life skills) shows up with a new "package" courtesy of those helpful pop up ads and informative spam e-mails from Mexico?<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD7G1NP__rYSwenPN1P_RgHcv9STqEHW7Cs3f0_aeNpQ8YBiLXRz-2bCihVSYnwifRtb550qQCeTxjTDfhx4qp45BmmC1HMPY4vjRzQqMTlaoQXGcKLJLjggaQ7xSnLWcnegQ-/s1600-h/Mr+Firth+final.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5191556388989218034" style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD7G1NP__rYSwenPN1P_RgHcv9STqEHW7Cs3f0_aeNpQ8YBiLXRz-2bCihVSYnwifRtb550qQCeTxjTDfhx4qp45BmmC1HMPY4vjRzQqMTlaoQXGcKLJLjggaQ7xSnLWcnegQ-/s400/Mr+Firth+final.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 255, 255);"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 102);">After witnessing some less than stellar results first hand, junior might need a little help overcoming his unfounded night frights. Why discuss first hand your child's confused feelings of horror and inadequacy when a helpful publication written by the plastic surgery industry will easily suffice?</span><br /><br /></span></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdOPzjyHQIHshyphenhyphenHMn24X0W3WPkx9Hr9z4SHvNT0dv4cGeVQ-6-OWukRfM3n6e1E64Y44pdwEY4oQ3P7JHfNN2u8qTg4McRRfKnvfgQu9glLzeJElb40_B8QPZFnmAMhwOtuphW/s1600-h/Please+God.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5191556625212419330" style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdOPzjyHQIHshyphenhyphenHMn24X0W3WPkx9Hr9z4SHvNT0dv4cGeVQ-6-OWukRfM3n6e1E64Y44pdwEY4oQ3P7JHfNN2u8qTg4McRRfKnvfgQu9glLzeJElb40_B8QPZFnmAMhwOtuphW/s400/Please+God.jpg" border="0" /></a>Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-41550550689690044302008-04-14T22:22:00.001-07:002008-12-12T19:32:11.767-08:00MARS NEEDS MONKEYS!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRvGTQ-T67Sj1ITpJj9vNZU1I5yg4BrxNnMw47alXd4by6Uf8sVgqB5DLic-fXhc8ic_ZETqOrhPL9sbofxxIYCgWmYCq0x4obxhrLXNapAQX3ZtePQzQsX_zron6RQRq3p3MH/s1600-h/Mars+Needs+Monkeys.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 391px; height: 475px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRvGTQ-T67Sj1ITpJj9vNZU1I5yg4BrxNnMw47alXd4by6Uf8sVgqB5DLic-fXhc8ic_ZETqOrhPL9sbofxxIYCgWmYCq0x4obxhrLXNapAQX3ZtePQzQsX_zron6RQRq3p3MH/s400/Mars+Needs+Monkeys.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5189338279597021666" border="0" /></a>50 years to the day the Soviets roasted Sputnik II on re-entry (along with Russian space pooch "Laika", the poker playing mongrel with the worst win/loss percentage this side of the Urals) Russia has pledged a one way trip to the red planet for some lucky monkey.<br /><br />The announcement was delayed until the passing of Charlton Heston for obvious reasons.<br /><br />Grueling tests are currently underway at the Sochi Institute of Medical Primatology, where a batch of macaques with the right monkey stuff have begun studying radiation exposure, prolonged weightlessness, isolation and zero gravity poop flinging.<br /><br />At a press conference following the announcement, three swaggering <span style="font-style: italic;">cosmonkeys</span> attempted to answer questions from the international press. Riding into a conference room on Russian space tricycles, the interplanetary primates immediately set upon CNN's Wolf Blitzer and began viciously preening his beard. This was followed by a shrieking match with CBS's Katie Couric. The conference was abandoned soon after further ruckus involving Anderson Cooper's papaya-scented face balm.<br /><br />The Russian Mars Monkey program is to be partially underwritten by cosmo-cosmetics giant Revlon in return for confidential eye liner and lip gloss testing.Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-60212216244672791212008-04-09T22:08:00.000-07:002008-12-12T19:32:11.905-08:00FRISCO COP SNUFFS OLYMPIC FLAMER<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3SRdaL2pCauFWfxOQd7_GW2SzJTti9qLp6HlNa3xCD-koH-dt4UJVIEiU3Uhu1kO_CJFI7p1KZROvVSAU_esc2Dzw-5Qb82UDSCG0y75b4pFPh_DhQb0gnpEUlcARIHh2El-S/s1600-h/Dirty+Harry+Olympics.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3SRdaL2pCauFWfxOQd7_GW2SzJTti9qLp6HlNa3xCD-koH-dt4UJVIEiU3Uhu1kO_CJFI7p1KZROvVSAU_esc2Dzw-5Qb82UDSCG0y75b4pFPh_DhQb0gnpEUlcARIHh2El-S/s400/Dirty+Harry+Olympics.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5187479443279075762" border="0" /></a>"Dammit Callaghan!"<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">"Look chief, when I see a crazed chinaman running through a crowd with a flame thrower, I'm not waiting around to see if he invites me to a weenie roast!"</span><br /><br />"Dammit Callaghan! That was an Olympic torch runner! And we don't say 'chinaman' anymore! Didn't you get the memo?"<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 255, 153);">"I don't get memos chief. I get results"</span><br /><br />"Dammit Callaghan!"Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-35346545293523361172008-03-31T23:06:00.000-07:002008-12-12T19:32:12.101-08:00KILLER BEE KILLED<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5DqPuLL7A1axQm_v9RT9vYVTeXntbw80MvWHVvwFW-dvTnM9GxpERtrBb96oHKT4u08jSjZ5XrsdqUD0qOLRoW7M7wS4Pn1Ft54Sh1rNfW3VeX8mdciBqHQi3xR5m8vxRDVDx/s1600-h/KILLER+BEE+KILLED.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5184537375046677410" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; CURSOR: pointer" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5DqPuLL7A1axQm_v9RT9vYVTeXntbw80MvWHVvwFW-dvTnM9GxpERtrBb96oHKT4u08jSjZ5XrsdqUD0qOLRoW7M7wS4Pn1Ft54Sh1rNfW3VeX8mdciBqHQi3xR5m8vxRDVDx/s400/KILLER+BEE+KILLED.jpg" border="0" /></a><i>"I recognized my two selves: a crusading idealist and a cold, granitic believer in the law of the jungle</i>" - Edgar Monsanto Queeny, Monsanto chairman, 1943-63<br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">"Vikings and Bee Keepers, Vikings and Beeee Keepers..."</span> - John Candy<br /><br />My first wife used to pet bees with her fingertip. <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">She pet bees!</span> Have you ever hear a bee purr? It's annoying as hell.<br /><br />I'd flop about the picnic blanket swelling three times my body mass for denying a vengeful swarm their god given right to cottage cheese. She'd scold me waiting for the ambulance, reminding that the little "fellers" were only stressed workers needing only a back rub and some Dino Martin. Salad tongs kept me from swallowing my tongue. I skipped south after honeycomb boxer shorts for Christmas.<br /><br />Down in Rio I ran into biologist Warwick Kerr, the sunny side down egghead behind cross-pollinating pollinators. Mister Killer Bee himself, who once dumped a hive of mutant bees in the middle of Carnivale. Not the worst experiment ever, but near enough. The battle between mutating africanized bee queens and mutating Carnivale drag queens left Christ the Redeemer shrugging to this day.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMXWUFIW-TzZIlEPEc0J9GdTy1Cz68Es-aX1kS1_VC-Ltr8TYntaXOw-atKfjaAMbDgg09vABluXdoPv5SX8mXbnxDgB_nzuDP2v84ti1hIab2BLw4Aeuzt02CEExErqobS4Xf/s1600-h/KILLER+BEE+KILLED+2.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5184541193272603570" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; WIDTH: 235px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 200px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMXWUFIW-TzZIlEPEc0J9GdTy1Cz68Es-aX1kS1_VC-Ltr8TYntaXOw-atKfjaAMbDgg09vABluXdoPv5SX8mXbnxDgB_nzuDP2v84ti1hIab2BLw4Aeuzt02CEExErqobS4Xf/s400/KILLER+BEE+KILLED+2.jpg" border="0" /></a>Some 50 years later science delivers one to the bejewels. Behold <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Colony Collapse Disorder</span>, or CCD. Much pantomime chin scratchery from the lab coats over bees bugging out.<br /><br />The savvy investor sees not the bee's demeese, but nature outsourced. Laid off by the hives, in the droves. Freeing up natural capital.<br /><br />Self-pollinating makes bees yesterday's buzz. Some think "self-pollinating? I stopped doing that in high school." Well then.<br /><br />In richly modified heartland soil there is rye, canola and buckwheat capable of reproducing themselves. Do we or do we not respect the right to self-pollination? All those in favor raise an arm free from the pink stain of calamine.<br /><br />It's against our interest not to extract honey from these combs. Is that not just the bee's knees? Is there not a market for bee's knees? For surely bees have no use for them.Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-55115228557650522112008-03-16T22:13:00.000-07:002008-12-12T19:32:12.638-08:00FAITH AND BEGORRA - BASED INITIATIVES<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOF-40aZpz6RxBSOLUdfPgcxF-z63EqFkm5bejcyJDuQ7ZWJnJm-0-33xIsrBfHLkeTX29Y6eluYphWaLwyUjq1TvgG7U3R136cjpNjbEbjVFJpaeoKE5esA-6vVwGwo4q2_1Q/s1600-h/St+Paddys+Bush.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 403px; height: 451px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOF-40aZpz6RxBSOLUdfPgcxF-z63EqFkm5bejcyJDuQ7ZWJnJm-0-33xIsrBfHLkeTX29Y6eluYphWaLwyUjq1TvgG7U3R136cjpNjbEbjVFJpaeoKE5esA-6vVwGwo4q2_1Q/s400/St+Paddys+Bush.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5178574725535442546" border="0" /></a><span style="font-family:arial,helvetica;"><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:'Trebuchet MS';font-size:130%;" ><span class="articlebody1"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:arial;" >A wee Leprechaun, Georgie his name,<br />thought mischief was surely a game.<br />He'd nip and pinch<br />every lass and wench</span></span></span><span style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span><span class="articlebody1"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-family:arial;" >then hide so as not to take blame.<br /><br />When the pot of gold was emptied,<br />from location undisclosed did he phone:<br />"We'll back the dollar<br />not with silver or gold,<br />but with my good name alone".<br /><br />Mountains of paper,<br />printed green as can be.<br />"'Tis better than gold,<br />this currency.<br />Now fill this pot<br />with my scripted notes<br />and go buy a flat screen TV".</span></span></span></span></span></span>Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-32421134193858395522008-03-02T22:06:00.000-08:002008-12-12T19:32:12.991-08:00THE FUTURE'S SO BRIGHT HE'S GOTTA WEAR SHADES<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-cQbbVcIjVb8-iLQIBGr3FDuQbHkQYrz8TeHcCjeiXw6uXpQxFNWMDWj8rO27a1-Tlloymt-A_XTwVSzuhaV7yV_AfsLKHIapmK6nOA6kU-Y2V3HF3-f7J4lyIVgehMSV5BkA/s1600-h/Future+so+bright.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-cQbbVcIjVb8-iLQIBGr3FDuQbHkQYrz8TeHcCjeiXw6uXpQxFNWMDWj8rO27a1-Tlloymt-A_XTwVSzuhaV7yV_AfsLKHIapmK6nOA6kU-Y2V3HF3-f7J4lyIVgehMSV5BkA/s400/Future+so+bright.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5173393158933273426" border="0" /></a>What's a hundred and ten trillion between friends?<br /><br />The difference between China's ledger sheet, in the black, and the USA's cooked books. Deep, deep in the red. I'd say redder than communist China, but...<br /><br />Didn't Clinton leave office with a $600 billion surplus? What was his problem?<br /><br />According to the CIA, even Iraq boasts nearly $8 trillion in walking around money. If someone could sit me down and explain how that works, I still wouldn't believe them.<br /><br /><a href="https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/rankorder/2187rank.html">Source: CIA World Factbook</a>Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-35690577109387905962008-01-14T21:54:00.000-08:002008-12-12T19:32:13.592-08:00HORMUZ SPEEDBOATS SOLVED: US NAVY TAUNTED BY MISTER MICROPHONE<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOy_lBxUszAlnXBcUmVV2CyylRdY685bFDVlIgnelMPxv38e3N2YtkgV5WMm2mMBxngIW0Epl0IGEB3Clpcs_K1AEPQh3TY5rqTtViIW9s2cfJFfUg_pTXyOCdCmikM_UQGD0g/s1600-h/hormuz+mr+microphone.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOy_lBxUszAlnXBcUmVV2CyylRdY685bFDVlIgnelMPxv38e3N2YtkgV5WMm2mMBxngIW0Epl0IGEB3Clpcs_K1AEPQh3TY5rqTtViIW9s2cfJFfUg_pTXyOCdCmikM_UQGD0g/s400/hormuz+mr+microphone.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5155577957037015874" border="0" /></a>WASHINGTON - The United States issued a stern warning to a boatload of teenagers following an incident near the Strait of Hormuz in which the pleasure craft "Pocket Fisherman" veered dangerously close to three navy warships.<br /><br /><span id="intelliTXT">"The Gulf of Oman is no place for vacationing teenagers and their new fangled radio gadgets", warned Vice Admiral Ronald J. Popeil of the 5th fleet. "The US Navy does not look favorably upon drunken fraternity hijinks. These numb skulls were seconds away from being diced, sliced and julian fried. It's just that simple."<br /><br />According to <span style="font-style: italic;">Jane's Defence Weekly</span>, Navy countermeasures against small watercraft include the "Cap Snaffler", the "Drain Buster", and the rumoured "Inside The Eggshell Scrambler".<br /></span>Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-19224529756260908102008-01-05T10:16:00.000-08:002008-12-12T19:32:14.125-08:00NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZFYvMo2tBLvhvRtxF5QmWCAXNL9t6w8sDmja_orRTrXdVeoXSgrB1Rupeq4RRF5qbai-Lvkb7LE1ZOSbBd_nsIztM6u5oIhI2hwUHx83PNbktF2DB7qNuHz4dtHNATbJf226L/s1600-h/baby+sleeping+final.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZFYvMo2tBLvhvRtxF5QmWCAXNL9t6w8sDmja_orRTrXdVeoXSgrB1Rupeq4RRF5qbai-Lvkb7LE1ZOSbBd_nsIztM6u5oIhI2hwUHx83PNbktF2DB7qNuHz4dtHNATbJf226L/s400/baby+sleeping+final.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5152058656539706162" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.projectcensored.org/censored_2007/index.htm">THE TOP 25 CENSORED NEWS STORIES OF 2007</a><br /></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#1</span> </span>Future of Internet Debate Ignored by Media</span><br />Internet you ignorant slut! Media might stop ignoring you if you liven things up a little. Try on these kinky bracelets. There, now have a lay down on this padded bench. Don’t worry, those straps are for your protection. The needles? Don’t worry about the needles.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#2</span> </span>Halliburton Charged with Selling Nuclear Technologies to Iran</span><br />Get your facts straight list boy. They sold them <span style="font-style: italic;">nuculer</span> technology.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#3</span> Oceans of the World in Extreme Danger</span><br />Didn’t Bill Curtis host that one on A&E already?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#4</span> Hunger and Homelessness Increasing in the US</span><br />What, you can’t rig a mini fridge in the trunk of your car? Not to worry. Uncle Sam has a plan - scroll down to #14.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#5 </span>High-Tech Genocide in Congo</span><br />Stop confusing celebrities. Not done with low-tech genocide in Darfur yet.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#6</span> Federal Whistleblower Protection in Jeopardy</span><br />I'll take Corrupt Attorney Generals for five hundred, Alex<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#7 </span>US Operatives Torture Detainees to Death in Afghanistan and Iraq</span><br />Fell down a flight of... stacked detainees? Slipped on a bar of... stacked detainees?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#8 </span>Pentagon Exempt from Freedom of Information Act</span><br />And just how did you come across that fact?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#9 </span>The World Bank Funds Israel-Palestine Wall</span><br />Hey, Pink Floyd has to play somewhere.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#10</span> Expanded Air War in Iraq Kills More Civilians</span><br />Is there no end to this war on expanded air? Stop the insanity. What are we to fill our balloons with?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#11</span> Dangers of Genetically Modified Food Confirmed</span><br />I don't hear any genetically modified humans complaining.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#12 </span>Pentagon Plans to Build New Landmines</span><br />Hello? The old ones keep blowing up.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">13</span> New Evidence Establishes Dangers of Roundup</span></span><br />Roundup, the popular weedkiller made by the Monsanto Corporation. They also produce genetically modified crops, which are immune to Roundup. So patriotic farmers using GM crops engineered by Monsanto don’t have to worry about pesticide engineered by Monsanto. Now do you understand? It’s so much easier if everyone just OBEYS.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">14</span> Homeland Security Contracts KBR to Build Detention Centers in the US</span></span><br />Hey relax everybody. The $385 million contingency contract awarded to Halliburton’s subsidiary KBR is for temporary detention and processing centers. Think Gitmo lite.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#15</span> Chemical Industry is EPA’s Primary Research Partner</span><br />It’s like the Surgeon General coming out with his own brand of cigarettes! Warning: I’d walk a mile - for me!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">16</span> Ecuador and Mexico Defy US on International Criminal Court</span></span><br />Et tu, Pablo?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#17</span> Iraq Invasion Promotes OPEC Agenda</span><br />Is that Britney Spears crazy or what?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#18</span> Physicist Challenges Official 9-11 Story</span><br />Can we all just agree that alien sasquatch lumberjacks brought down the World Trade Centre with challah knives and elbow grease?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#19</span> Destruction of Rainforests Worst Ever</span><br />Less rain = less seasonal affective disorder. Wait, that could actually hurt Big Pharma. Less forests = less children stalked by wolves on the way to grandma’s house.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#20</span> Bottled Water: A Global Environmental Problem</span><br />That’s why I drink my water the old fashioned way. Out of puddles.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#21</span> Gold Mining Threatens Ancient Andean Glaciers</span><br />Can’t we just use the gold to buy more glaciers?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#22 </span>Billions in Homeland Security Spending Undisclosed</span><br />I think the receipts are in that file cabinet under Cheney’s collection of shrunken heads. Oh wait, those went up in the fire too.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#23</span> US Oil Targets Kyoto in Europe</span><br />Here’s where the US shines. Targeting things.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#24</span> Cheney’s Halliburton Stock Rose Over 3000% Last Year</span><br />That’s all well and good but projected profits were up around 6000%, so it’s really a virtual shortfall of 50%. Hopefully Dick can write off the losses or it’s cold beans over the sink by Easter.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">#25</span> US Military in Paraguay Threatens Region</span><br />If the Paraguayan Senate granted me immunity from national and International Criminal Court jurisdiction, I’d be down there throwing my weight around too. Besides, the Bushies have to live somewhere after the next election.Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-83325434670800901442007-12-18T21:44:00.000-08:002008-12-12T19:32:14.357-08:00IT'S STILL A WONDERFUL IDEA<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaM_3UiLH3ejfSTcRUa8l56P_q-I6FDfw8DrVwfo-glhcTNZMc747mxLPOpdS3Prn-iytDhfTgaqTGQtimlDL9X20fQhq-OfI7dGsTNe79BEKZQBv0cE2L1A8YT-RLAPBsRH3H/s1600-h/It's+A+Wonderful+Idea.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaM_3UiLH3ejfSTcRUa8l56P_q-I6FDfw8DrVwfo-glhcTNZMc747mxLPOpdS3Prn-iytDhfTgaqTGQtimlDL9X20fQhq-OfI7dGsTNe79BEKZQBv0cE2L1A8YT-RLAPBsRH3H/s400/It's+A+Wonderful+Idea.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5145556140478071554" border="0" /></a>Alright, so this is the same pic I ran <a href="http://warrenfleece.blogspot.com/2006/12/its-wonderful-idea.html">last year</a>. After sitting through countless seasons of Wahoo Doray, I have seen the light. My plan is to cash in like Schultz and the Seussman. Sit back and watch the resids roll in until I'm a shell of my former creative self, out of ideas and void of any personal integrity. Workin' on it.<br /><br />I'll run this pic well into GeeDub's fourth, fifth, eleventh term in office. I'll run it until a doddering old man with wings drops from the sky and flings the corrupt bastard off a snowy bridge into the icy karmic current.<br /><br />Sadly the Bedford Falls bridge has a better chance of collapsing from neglect than it does becoming a new platform for American justice. Bushie Banditos have ransacked the treasury so there's not even money left for gaffer tape. Word is of a plan to borrow more money from China to hire Mexicans to hold up America's bridges bare handed. These days it sound plausible, doesn't it? Good luck finding Americans willing to hold up their own bridges.Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-18976820156506288392007-12-18T21:15:00.000-08:002008-12-12T19:32:14.719-08:00BLAST FROM CHRISTMAS PAST<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWbb8KgD807x0WABFSdWGPYJGqfLPeLtBEIa90I5V_7an_VhedMCf67OtRdnA_U4258Q3v4fEZxag8133Y0FYA9P_Cm3lmcflvA127U9A3sOpG5fgCo1LE8stn8URdYob3OrNG/s1600-h/National+Lampoon+Dec+1970.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 377px; height: 454px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWbb8KgD807x0WABFSdWGPYJGqfLPeLtBEIa90I5V_7an_VhedMCf67OtRdnA_U4258Q3v4fEZxag8133Y0FYA9P_Cm3lmcflvA127U9A3sOpG5fgCo1LE8stn8URdYob3OrNG/s400/National+Lampoon+Dec+1970.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5145553984404488946" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br />Hey China! Who's the bloated lackey of the capitalist toy mongers now?<br /><br />Back then it was "eat death, Santa". Now it's "eat hot lead paint, kids!"<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);font-size:85%;" >COVER: NATIONAL LAMPOON DECEMBER 1970</span>Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-85733704876675129092007-12-01T16:16:00.001-08:002008-12-12T19:32:15.329-08:00VANCOUVER UNVEILS 2010 OLYMPIC MASCOTS<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhak1luRMo4OydaXyEv7lMbC3ebRvBFhnNK4T3ogR0uHWyXeS1XfBLEQG8TGDEoXu1S-MTQHraRId4yqxeKNLrpLIQaOPZoli-PoReALvQ4HBLdoeTzZFZCTbdQhrZb9aF1veyq/s1600-r/TAZEE+%26+KUSTOMS.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaldy2J0xtIg-21Hx6eowRi2fy1pIpDTlspQj6Y-gu1oPLbFPWxB9WyIgFoFHItVziy333EUe9Wu5pNOEBbTKK3FI37z49rgFdr3mI5OHx1A1qijYA8f-ig5AqwwiEuVdbZHcB/s400/TAZEE+%26+KUSTOMS.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5139163077771320402" border="0" /></a>Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-16620710943046294552007-11-24T12:20:00.001-08:002008-12-12T19:32:15.518-08:00HOW 'ARD, CAN IT BE?<span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">AND NOW A WORD FROM FORMER AUSTRALIAN PRIME MINISTER JOHN HOWARD</span></span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2pSAG-EYC4CRhnqU8tGiZMTZ5Ag1nh1SAEo4zo6nTJEPh8wnnlSIN5mXj71PsoBM6bY4-sAy7Olh3IW0DBkO9ZoPXDp7EH8mO2wLOAayjr_2imbq-tKSAah9nW8za3-RGE8dH/s1600-h/Bloody+%27ell.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 417px; height: 367px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2pSAG-EYC4CRhnqU8tGiZMTZ5Ag1nh1SAEo4zo6nTJEPh8wnnlSIN5mXj71PsoBM6bY4-sAy7Olh3IW0DBkO9ZoPXDp7EH8mO2wLOAayjr_2imbq-tKSAah9nW8za3-RGE8dH/s400/Bloody+%27ell.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5136504548892398914" border="0" /></a><br />Bladdy ell. Afta a leavin' bladdy yees, this is the thinks aye bladdy git?<br /><br />Sayventeen bladdy yeas egganomic greyth dan the bladdy shiteroo mate. Waydle they bladdy well see the Layba Paddy's fiscal palsy stand at lake a bladdy shag on a rack.<br /><br />Dent remind me mate, bladdy Eye Rack. An bladdy George bladdy Bush. Tike a guess ooze necks mate. Too bladdy rights.Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-332289722414931162007-11-11T10:54:00.001-08:002008-12-12T19:32:15.858-08:00LET'S PLAY "DEFINITION"<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcpNuNJHvJkzBGmktN7cGm-dvW6uPsrTP9MPoCF9KmNRSLv4UmCagI0G0sgnWkL3kdamhIbCKG_ZGhjNkhD9NpuicS4vZg-hsXiZkA_yUo6Eq8MFmEHAr1vWnq__2V9VV5FLc5/s1600-h/definition+tv.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcpNuNJHvJkzBGmktN7cGm-dvW6uPsrTP9MPoCF9KmNRSLv4UmCagI0G0sgnWkL3kdamhIbCKG_ZGhjNkhD9NpuicS4vZg-hsXiZkA_yUo6Eq8MFmEHAr1vWnq__2V9VV5FLc5/s400/definition+tv.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5131658416460885554" border="0" /></a>National Intelligence Deputy Director Donald Kerr claims the time is right to privatize privacy.<br /><br />Testifying before the Senate Intelligence Committee, Kerr suggested that privacy can no longer mean anonymity. It could instead be defined as "government and private enterprise properly safeguarding people's private communications and financial information".<br /><br />The Senate Committee then adjourned to determine a new definition for the phrase "properly safeguarding".<br /><br />I'd like to throw a rider or two on the ass end of that one as well, Mr. Kerr.<br /><br />If we could also change the definition of "monogamy" it would go a long way to getting me out of trouble with the wife. As well, the phrase "past due" and the word "summons" need a slight tweak, as do "contractual" and "obligation".<br /><br /><a href="http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5hJKgeE0Z-SivATjok-utYBdh9wDwD8SRIV8O0"><span style="font-size:85%;">AP: DEFINITION CHANGING FOR PEOPLE'S PRIVACY</span></a>Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-55409109513051705292007-11-02T09:46:00.000-07:002008-12-12T19:32:15.907-08:00LET THE BEAVER SOAR<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2FTyym8qwyuwaKKLTTn36sS-qju87LxqXrWxkAAdZ0Qk102Wc_-JULkBMYe1EoeRWjBvCEKcYK30bVd638sKPRujFoqceSDp9nkyHGyj5NILIJScNU5s8lnBmjkf27j_G58VK/s1600-h/soaring+beaver.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2FTyym8qwyuwaKKLTTn36sS-qju87LxqXrWxkAAdZ0Qk102Wc_-JULkBMYe1EoeRWjBvCEKcYK30bVd638sKPRujFoqceSDp9nkyHGyj5NILIJScNU5s8lnBmjkf27j_G58VK/s400/soaring+beaver.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5128285856048038066" border="0" /></a>As <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">foreseen</span> by Canadian economist Pamela Anderson in the seminal film "Barb Wire", the Canadian Dollar is fast dominating the flaccid US greenback, or "Freedom Peso".<br /><br />As of this posting the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Canuck</span> buck has jumped to $1.07 US, prompting concerned <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">hosers</span> to call for a great wall to be constructed along the 49<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">th</span> parallel. The massive undertaking could provide jobs for American economic refugees looking north for employment. Canada's population, a mere 10% of the United States, cannot possibly support a domestic servant ratio of 10-1. Canadians also have fewer pools to clean and almost no oranges to pick, although US labour exporters are upbeat that global warming could soon increase those numbers.<br /><br />Currency experts warn the rally could be short lived if Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper carries out his plans to invade Yemen, borrow five trillion dollars from China and outlaw the off switch on all electronics.Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-54724559546699782362007-09-13T15:50:00.000-07:002008-12-12T19:32:16.229-08:00ONE OF OUR BILLIONAIRES IS MISSING<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrgjfyFjPh0uZpLIW3OuKp3KAPO_YYfhw7s9oNHr2CGA9wV-bNtLTlUB4TFBbmoNubm_k3oS1dON1gHxs9fXB6iFMPxSdquUqhrzTzuOH6-eY1DfSAqNCg0IxFsd4h9QOVGHIh/s1600-h/Rich+Guy+Crash.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrgjfyFjPh0uZpLIW3OuKp3KAPO_YYfhw7s9oNHr2CGA9wV-bNtLTlUB4TFBbmoNubm_k3oS1dON1gHxs9fXB6iFMPxSdquUqhrzTzuOH6-eY1DfSAqNCg0IxFsd4h9QOVGHIh/s400/Rich+Guy+Crash.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5109825173609565842" border="0" /></a>Why must the financially challenged always get in the way of the incredibly wealthy?<br /><br />The search for stinking rich adventurer Steve Fossett's downed experimental aircraft has only turned up wreckage of planes belonging to missing fliers with far less impressive bank accounts.<br /><br />The fabulously, stupidly rich Fossett had survived a 30,000 foot plunge in a crippled hot air balloon, icy temperatures in a swim across the English Channel and hours alone in shark infested waters. Plus he was filthy, dirty, nasty rich.<br /><br />And so by rights of being able to farmer-hankey a nasty nose-full of nasal grease into a 10 gallon bucket tight with thousand dollar bills, Steve Fossett and his wreckage demand swift recovery. Instead searchers turn up what's left of some businessman who Tanquerayed it into a mountain flying to Reno during a shitty 1964 divorce.<br /><br />Searchers believe they've found a half dozen more martini fly-boys scattered out there, no doubt mortgage payers all. An estimated two-hundred more of these cashless crashers litter the Sierra Nevada. None combined earn a line jump past Steve Fossett's billions. The man could pay for over a month of Iraq war, body armour included. <br /><br />The unbridled audacity. Imagine a young, beautiful girl with straight teeth and curly, blonde hair gets kidnapped. An outraged community bands together and sweeps the neighbourhood, but rescues only a handful of homely and overweight girls with braces and bad skin.<br /><br />You think Larry King gives a suspender snap? If you ain't got the golden wings then stay out of the golden eagles' flight corridor.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">CNN</span> <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/09/13/fossett/index.html?eref=rss_topstories">Search for Fossett</a><br /><br /></span><!--startclickprintexclude--><span class="cnnEmbeddedMosLnk"> </span>Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-72419911894157822962007-09-12T10:56:00.001-07:002008-12-12T19:32:16.444-08:00LIKE A REICH<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM3ypQ6ilKbcMkcZ2drv9x9b1eYPn8ZcprL0Y69ab_tthPwpDa2dozdIp_9wSeyG4-3rGvT4r-4ta-jyj48eEsECNhKxdaV5yE1xMdjnV43tNKk1LvN_T-lzER58dt14oIga2y/s1600-h/The+War+GM.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM3ypQ6ilKbcMkcZ2drv9x9b1eYPn8ZcprL0Y69ab_tthPwpDa2dozdIp_9wSeyG4-3rGvT4r-4ta-jyj48eEsECNhKxdaV5yE1xMdjnV43tNKk1LvN_T-lzER58dt14oIga2y/s400/The+War+GM.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5109378355276861058" border="0" /></a><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 102);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">German troops pose with a General Motors / Opel "Blitz",<br />the three-ton truck that nearly saved Nazi Europe.</span></span><br /><br />This fall the 15+ hour "The War" airs on PBS. No doubt many an untold story will finally be told from the war after the war to end all wars. It's big and expensive, just like real war. It's also underwritten by General Motors. Again, just like real war.<br /><br />In 1938 James D. Mooney, GM's head of overseas operations, received the German Eagle with Cross, the highest medal Hitler awarded to foreign commercial collaborators and supporters. Why? Because of a little truck that could... help subjugate Europe.<br /><br />GM's European subsidiary, Opel, provided Hitler's war machine with a fantastically sturdy three-ton truck, the Opel "Blitz". As in "Blitzkrieg".<br /><br />Der Fuhrer thought der Blitz was one terrific truck. He drove it all over Europe. Off-roading through Poland, France, Russia... it wasn't Ford tough, but it was Nazi tough. Sadly, at the end of World War 2 most of the Opel plants in Germany were destroyed by allied bombing. Luckily for inconvenienced GM shareholders the company was paid $32 million by the U.S. government for damages sustained to its German plants.<br /><br />Haliburton, kneel to thy master.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">WASHINGTON POST</span></span> <span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/national/daily/nov98/nazicars30.htm">FORD & GM ALLEGED NAZI COLLABORATION</a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">JERUSALEM POST </span><a href="http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?cid=1164881835577&pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FPrinter">HITLER'S CARMAKER</a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE </span><a href="http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/01/07/INGPHNCLHH1.DTL">NAZIS RODE TO WAR ON GM WHEELS</a></span>Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-47498600273177404202007-09-07T10:56:00.001-07:002008-12-12T19:32:16.734-08:00BUSH BOMBS (at) SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE41Wm66T5gH9_cBnLAh7FsJkt0J_hhzjaJCL60FFMkyuFNatCqHZNviQMLS1Dg0UjG4THLEy-1BAhSAKTyleU6AcBZVmCFcy_XOMrZDpfIzLD4IcwxC27dlQCR0RdihY1SUIG/s1600-h/Bush+Sydney+Opera+House.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE41Wm66T5gH9_cBnLAh7FsJkt0J_hhzjaJCL60FFMkyuFNatCqHZNviQMLS1Dg0UjG4THLEy-1BAhSAKTyleU6AcBZVmCFcy_XOMrZDpfIzLD4IcwxC27dlQCR0RdihY1SUIG/s400/Bush+Sydney+Opera+House.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5107522797874775826" border="0" /></a>King Leopold, er, President Bush today praised Austrian troops in Iraq during a keynote speech to OPEC nations in Sydney, Australia.<br /><br />And when the day comes that Austria deploys soldiers to the Gulf and the US and Australia join OPEC this could go down as a pretty good speech.<br /><br />Until then chalk up another verbal <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">cluster fuck</span> by the Maestro of Malaprop. Bush was followed by Aussie PM John Howard after emcee Paul Hogan declared "...that's not a statesman. Now THIS is a statesman."<br /><br />To add near injury to insult, W almost fell into the orchestra pit leaving the lectern. The world was saved the horrific imagery of the Commander in Grief's legs flailing from within a giant Tex Avery tuba. Now that would have been <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">embarrassing</span>.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">YAHOO NEWS: </span></span><span style="font-size:78%;"><a href="http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070907/ap_on_re_au_an/bush_bad_day_at_theater_1">Bush has bad day at Sydney Opera House</a></span>Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31209351.post-37118042214080714082007-07-28T00:07:00.001-07:002008-12-12T19:32:16.911-08:00BLESS THE WORLD PRESS<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQx2sSmVVjFu4NdxdyoY2RIqeTPrTgJqhDYZpIa2gnQeJL-1jpxBrks3E9jVGK-uUKySZvoL2NUmfTwpzfdNv_QRnpyh1ZSnHL97XPmYNTD6BSfx9ErGrHvSKu6YTrM5boqFCS/s1600-h/Injuns+are+restless.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQx2sSmVVjFu4NdxdyoY2RIqeTPrTgJqhDYZpIa2gnQeJL-1jpxBrks3E9jVGK-uUKySZvoL2NUmfTwpzfdNv_QRnpyh1ZSnHL97XPmYNTD6BSfx9ErGrHvSKu6YTrM5boqFCS/s400/Injuns+are+restless.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5092296904601735266" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0Lr8WpTza_zN2u6L5LGNgiWNVQXZT_2FJw8LZNWTtNtWlyFu99dtIP1wpwvSJoCP7fBnzo6Q_9JG_rY11STgHQK6OHA99nXBRqROahQ14o-GiV-hNo48Sohyphenhypheni9HoJbq4MELq8/s1600-h/Injuns+are+restless.jpg"><br /></a>Warren Fleecehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04993724978603318934noreply@blogger.com0