Saturday, November 24, 2007

HOW 'ARD, CAN IT BE?

AND NOW A WORD FROM FORMER AUSTRALIAN PRIME MINISTER JOHN HOWARD


Bladdy ell. Afta a leavin' bladdy yees, this is the thinks aye bladdy git?

Sayventeen bladdy yeas egganomic greyth dan the bladdy shiteroo mate. Waydle they bladdy well see the Layba Paddy's fiscal palsy stand at lake a bladdy shag on a rack.

Dent remind me mate, bladdy Eye Rack. An bladdy George bladdy Bush. Tike a guess ooze necks mate. Too bladdy rights.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

LET'S PLAY "DEFINITION"

National Intelligence Deputy Director Donald Kerr claims the time is right to privatize privacy.

Testifying before the Senate Intelligence Committee, Kerr suggested that privacy can no longer mean anonymity. It could instead be defined as "government and private enterprise properly safeguarding people's private communications and financial information".

The Senate Committee then adjourned to determine a new definition for the phrase "properly safeguarding".

I'd like to throw a rider or two on the ass end of that one as well, Mr. Kerr.

If we could also change the definition of "monogamy" it would go a long way to getting me out of trouble with the wife. As well, the phrase "past due" and the word "summons" need a slight tweak, as do "contractual" and "obligation".

AP: DEFINITION CHANGING FOR PEOPLE'S PRIVACY

Friday, November 02, 2007

LET THE BEAVER SOAR

As foreseen by Canadian economist Pamela Anderson in the seminal film "Barb Wire", the Canadian Dollar is fast dominating the flaccid US greenback, or "Freedom Peso".

As of this posting the Canuck buck has jumped to $1.07 US, prompting concerned hosers to call for a great wall to be constructed along the 49th parallel. The massive undertaking could provide jobs for American economic refugees looking north for employment. Canada's population, a mere 10% of the United States, cannot possibly support a domestic servant ratio of 10-1. Canadians also have fewer pools to clean and almost no oranges to pick, although US labour exporters are upbeat that global warming could soon increase those numbers.

Currency experts warn the rally could be short lived if Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper carries out his plans to invade Yemen, borrow five trillion dollars from China and outlaw the off switch on all electronics.